Today I don’t “feel” like making a video. I don’t “feel” like pushing my energy out…I feel like conserving it for me.
As an entrepreneur in the online world there is a certain kind of pressure to always be “visible” and “available” but today…which is a heavy bleeding day for me. It is truthful and honest for me to stay quiet, stay peaceful, stay seated and go within.
I even gave myself a pedicure so I wouldn’t have to “go out there” and be effected by other people’s energy and what anyone else is asking of me.
It can be hard when there are demands placed on me by the people who matter to me. It can be hard, when people need me, to say “no”.
I am fortunate today that I have the “capacity” to be gentle with myself. There aren’t any pressing demands being placed on me by others. But my own inner “push”, my own inner “pressure” and “drive” can be just as powerful as anyone else asking me for things.
Even as I write this. Even as I allow the words to flow out I am aware of thoughts like “is this something that you I use for my blog?” or “how can I ‘spin’ this message to make it usable”.
But. I don’t want to make it “usable” I want to make it real.
The truth is that I, like everyone else, have moments when I feel insecure, un-valuable, like I need to be nurtured and like I have nothing, absolutely nothing, to give.
And in these moments, when I allow myself to NOT NEED to give to anyone, it is in those moments when I truly allow myself to give to me.
This, to me, is what being gentle with myself is all about.
It is loving my imperfection. It is not trying to change anything about me or my life. It is having imperfect toenails because I did them myself! It is being willing for the world to witness my imperfect toenails. To judge them. To think what they will of my toes or my choices. Or to not think about me or my toes at all.
This being gentle is letting someone else make me a sandwich. It is telling my dog she can’t sit on my lap. It is watching a Hallmark movie in the afternoon.
It is taking the time to witness someone else’s beautiful creativity and instead of feeling jealous or like I am missing out, instead to feel inspired and wanting to communicate from a place of honesty just like she did.
It is breaking my one video a week goal and just writing words. It is the gentle tapping on the computer keyboard. Willing to share the words. Not needing to share the words.
Being willing for you to feel something when you read them. Not needing you to feel something when you read them. Not, in fact, even needing you to read them.
Being gentle with myself.
If I was going to be “strategic” I would tell you about how this feeds into creating space for more to come into my life and how “She’s Creating Space for More” is my new program…but honestly…I don’t need to tell you that right now…you can find out about that later…if you choose.
Until next time I am sending you blessings that you will create a space to be gentle with yourself, at least a little bit, at least once in a while.
Many joyfully expansive and gentle blessings,
Suzanna
